#but like random summer nights
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I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess
This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.
I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕
Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.
The video is still on YT.
#Anywayyyyy#The fandom added a whole lot more C to my C-PTSD#So a nice random message every few months instead of a freshly posted death wish is LOVELY.#Don’t fret. On meds and therapied but fresh tf out of money from it so @ L and H… lornasaurusrexx at g*ail is the PayPal if ur bored 🙃#I hate to be like this but protect your hearts. They’ll never be able to look out for you guys and they feed these trolls ammo for snacks#and it seems to have only gotten worse. Gotta keep them hets hetbaited for their money whilst actively encouraging them to bully yall? Why?#STILL!? At this point it feels like they’ve both chosen that path deliberately now and I find it quite gross. but I’m also very far removed#So don’t worry about my opinions. Keep trusting your own intuition!!! You all see it. I love you guys and your beautiful hearts and empathy#But I hope they can sleep at night knowing the absolute fucking genuine WRECKAGE they left across the Big Gay War generation/era of Larries#Don’t worry guys I’m just as dramatic as ever. None of this has anything to do with them coming out or anything. Just how we were treated.#But trust I fuckin mean that shit from the deepest darkest pit of my Demon Larrie™️ heart. They encouraged this. 🤷🏼♀️#Anyone who cares about my actual life updates: I’m a school nurse now and will be working at a bougie summer camp over break#Had a surgery I needed. Got new tattoos and piercings. In a happy and healthy relationship with the best dude for almost a year now.#OH and I went to New Zealand last year with Prettytruthsandlies!!!! We made a pact back in our Big Gay War/college days to go. And we DID!!#I got overstimulated and overfed and puked in Hobbiton. 🤣 (It was the best time of my LIFE GENUINELY🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹)#Okay BYE LOVE YOU GUYS#There are better and more humane ways to maintain a closet ..like literally STFU entirely. Ignoring it and not exploiting a kid is FREE#🇵🇸
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#my art#it’s mako mermaid au time let’s fucking go. but I ignored the iconic tail design from the show for reasons of fun.#grian#pearlecentmoon#geminitay#impulsesv#jimmy solidarity#goodtimeswithscar#cubfan135#so pretty much how it starts is: Grian Pearl Gem Impulse and Jimmy are all mermaids. Scar and Cub work at a marine tours/museum type place.#cub’s in the museum area and scar leads diving tours off the mainland. they decide to look around the island to see if there’s anything the#should propose adding to the museum or tours. they spend the night and Scar falls into the moon pool. he gets dragged back to the surface#and figures it was a really weird dream so he and Cub go back to the mainland. meanwhile Gen Pearl Impulse Grian and Jimmy are freaking out#about what to do because a random human just fell into the moon pool during a full moon. they end up getting kicked out of the pod to go fi#this mess. Pearl ends up getting a moon ring from (undecided likely mermaid watcher character) and they end up getting legs via magic.#shenanigans ensue. it’s summer so they’re pretending to be tourists. and no they aren’t trying to track Scar down to kill him. just make hi#not a mermaid anymore. he probably won’t die from it. cub ends up finding out about the whole ‘scar is a mermaid’ thing pretty quickly and#decides to help out. especially with the whole hiding it while doing diving tours thing. more characters do appear but this lot’s the main#cast of the au.#by the way. fishy order is: sand devil shark- epaulette shark- orca(not a fishy)- clown loach- eviota sigillata- and guppy’s
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so last November I got my nose pierced and the flat cartilage pierced on both of my ears, got my first tattoo (currently now have 3) and dyed my hair pink… so what should I do this November is the question I was thinking red hair and a septum and eyebrow piercing lmao 😭
#the past month in general my mental heath has gone to shit and can’t even afford to go back to therapy#also my therapist I had that I finally liked talking to left during the summer so I would need to find a new therapist I like like FML#I’ve just had a lot of personal stuff going on as of lately and I can’t seem to catch a break yk#also probably need to go on some antidepressants ngl cause it’s been rough I’m barely sleeping and I stay up so late most nights#more of steph’s random thoughts
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at a print shop for work with my best friend and while on my computer looking for a file accidentally opened a screenshot of the matt & trey baseketball kiss right when she looked over like
#blabbermouth#almost as bad as over the summer when i opened my computer to the movie full screen paused from when we’d been watching it the night before#<- same best friend to be clear. she knows exactly what it was not just like. thinking it was random dudes
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…
*starts violently sobbing*
#so i went to this thing tonight.#it was like. a family night thing at this summer camp my brother’s at#and one of the counselors.#HRHRFGGGHHJ BITING MAIMING KILLING HE WAS SO.#HE HAD FLUFFY BLACK HAIR AND HE KEPT FLIPPING IT AND ISTG I ALMOST DIED.#and he was SO LAME#HE WAS WEARING MIS-MATCHED SOCKS#AND WHEN THEY DID DANCES HE DID EVERYTHING LIKE A MOMENT TOO LATE#AND HE FELL OVER AT LEAST TWICE#he was so fucking pathetic i desire him carnally.#AND I AM NEVER GONNA FUCKING SEE HIM AGAIN.#BECAUSE HE WAS JUST. SOME RANDOM FUCKING GUY AT MY BROTHER’S SUMMER CAMP#dude and i looked so good today 😭😭#and i swear i caught him looking at me a few times (i’m delulu)#whatever#i’m fine#(i’m not fine)#crying sobbing going to sedate myself#meredith talks
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I can’t wait for the weather to get warmer,,
#Random I know but spring and summer (esp summer) are much more home to me#Something about it just hits different yknow?#Like yeah don’t get me wrong I love fall and winter but they’re such cold and lonely months to me#I like the summer when I can just go outside and feel warm…it’s a nice feeling#And I can’t wait to travel again…to have at least one night where my sister is inside and my parents are out for a little#And I get to do my traditional sit on the balcony and admire the beauty of it all routine#Where I can’t go back inside for a good while because my face is stained with tears#And any time I say something to myself my voice cracks and I can’t help but laugh at how cheesy I am#But it’s truly amazing to know I can look forward to that#And I’ll always take pictures and they’ll be better than the ones I took last year but they’ll never fully capture how it felt to me#It’s a kind of intimacy that only exists for a brief moment on summer nights between me and my surroundings#With one AirPod in playing Mrs magic of resonance#And for a moment I’ll take it out and I’ll probably cry some more because the silence is even better#So yeah. I can’t wait for the weather to get warmer#S.K thinks#Live laugh luv ranting in the tags
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i feel like life right now is me trying to juggle approximately 127 different things, and none of them are life-or-death but they’re all equally important to me, so those 127 things are like simultaneous balls in the air that i am holding up while the adderall shortage makes it harder to remember what they are let alone keep from dropping them, and at this point even my to-do lists have lists which got so out of control that i stopped even keeping lists but also i’m so tired every day that i’m lucky if i get a single thing done and if i don’t set alarms then i depression-sleep for fourteen hours because oh yeah my adderall was also the only thing that helped my bipolar meds work all the way so i’m crying and thinking about everything that makes me sad 24/7 while i try to keep juggling
#...so if i owe you a reply that would be why#also i need to review the enola holmes sequel and write a huge disenchanted rant (watched that one last night)#but i don't know when i'll have the energy#today at least i did get some things done--returned stuff to a store and got my flu shot and covid booster#...i was actually out to return things and get my adderall but at least those vaccinations were also on my general to-do list#it's just a lot less stuff than i NEED to be doing#and so much of it comes down to the fact that i sleep a lot i wake up i feel so tired it's like i didn't sleep#and then i just spend the whole day waiting to go back to bed#and under those conditions it's really hard to accomplish anything else#but i genuinely can't tell how much of my exhaustion is depression-based#and how much is physical because i've felt under the weather and had weird symptoms in one way or another since the summer#and at this point it's like...my doctor brushed me off when i tried to get help in the summer so i waited like she advised#for things to improve on their own#and they haven't but i'm so tired physically and emotionally and psychologically that i can't say i have any more self-advocacy fight in me#like it's obviously bad that the alternative is me continuing to feel like i'm maybe slowly wasting away and just letting it happen#but depression makes it pretty hard to care#randomness#mental health#depression#bipolar disorder#adhd#life stuff#health#/tag abuse
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OMG GUYS I JUST HAD AN IDEA!!!
SO LIKE!!! I was trying to figure out what to wear for a trip to the bank when I got the idea of an app!!!
First, you make an account whether by Google or Facebook or Twitter or Email or whatever you want to use!!! Next you allow location so the app can track weather!!! After that you scan and/or search all the clothes you have!!! When you're done with that all you have to do is out down what you are doing and it will give you an outfit based on what is appropriate for the outing/event/whatever and what the weather will be!!! Also it will have a tab where you can get recommended different clothing based on what kind of fashion you're into in your profile!!!
I think that it would be a lifesaver if you don't know what to wear!!! :3
#anyways thanks for reading my essay lmao#however if there is already an app like this plz tell me!!!#oh yeah and happy Summer Solstice/First Day Of Summer#fashion#app ideas#outfit#clothes#clothing#random howls out into the night#<- new rambling tag
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hey. hey. whoever my neighbor is that is setting off fucking FIREWORKS after midnight. you're an asshole. i know that YOU don't work on the weekends but some of us broke bitches do and, sure i am a chronic insomniac and still awake at midnight most nights, but you're sure as fuck not helping.
#please set off your fireworks BEFORE 11PM thanks#if there's some like celebration reason like its juneteenth or something go off set your funky fireworks off at midnight i guess#but like random summer nights??? nah stop that shit. nobody won the sportsball and its not a holiday tonight.#also hate when you guys do this shit on weeknights. stop.#i know that at least ONE of the most firework happy people in this neighborhood is a c*p who lives a few blocks away from us#and like he sucks. he's an ahole. acab and all#but there are definitely some more of you out there not that aren't asshole c*p. stop joining him#margaret babbles#vent#personal bs#whining#tinfoil hat: maybe one of the new firework happy neighbors is the same one who's blaring loud music from their street parked car#in the middle of the goddamn night. sometimes the music is good#but sometimes it is just ... really shitty rap music#get better taste in rap. stop blaring eminem at 1AM from your jumbo suv
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ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH the freshman wants to TRADE CARS for the weekend.... how do i politely say i would literally kill myself and everyone in a 10 mile radius if i had to let someone other than my mom, dad, and brother drive my car
#girl you are NOT getting access to my 98k mile 2017 grey subaru outback with smart cruise and lane detection and heated seats#and my stickers on the hatchback and the bluetooth audio and automaticly-changing night mode rearview mirror#and the comfy driver's seat in EXACTLY the position i want it in and the shifter knob that perfectly fits in my hand#like when my aunt drove my car last summer it basically solidified that i will never let anyone touch my car ever again#(she put a fucking TACO on TOP OF THE DASHBOARD and moved my fucking steering wheel!!!!!!!!)#my car was literally the only place i felt safe all of 2021 and 2022 im not letting some random fucking person TAKE her from me#i did not have a PANIC ATTACK leaving her at the mechanic for 2 DAYS for some fucking freshman to USE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like i know i can be territorial but boy my car is all the territory i ever need. i could live out of my car if needed.#what if she fucking crashes it. shes been in soooo many accidents (i have heard all about them.)#dude if this were in person i wouldve fucking hissed and ran away i dont let people touch my fucking car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I drove 4 hours back to school at 11pm so that i wouldnt have to have my friend drive my fucking car!!!!#like genuinely i need to find a way to say no i cannot and will not let you use my car now or ever.#i dont care what her reasons are. her boyfriend could be fucking dying and i still wouldnt.#she wants to take my car to minnesota for a WEEKEND and i would not be there ???? NOOOOOO#sorry oh my god i just have to scream and cry a little so i can try to be normal in my response#gonna ask the parents for help i think bc they know im neurotic about my car#like very genuinely im very upset right now. i reread the text and her car is having issues so she wants to TRADE CARS#without even asking if im doing anything that would need a car this weekend (ummmm i fucking work on saturday and sunday is grocery day)#like sorry thats too big of a favor especially after the fucking snail debacle.... how do i know she wont CRASH MY FUCKING CAR ?#or even just like mess with the settings. like im fucking anxious at the IDEA of her being in MY drivers seat DRIVING MY CAR !!!!!#also it smells like cow shit real bad in there. does she REALLY want to drive to fucking minnesota in a cow shit car?#i need to chill i have work soon but like holy shit this has me acting up#i guess since i dont have any real stressors any more my body is like we need LEVEL 10 EMERGENCY STRESS RIGHT NOW#if this were the school year i'd have 3 benadryl inside me right now#like genuinely if this had been in person i probably wouldve been nasty like that is MY car i did not spend thousands of dollars on her#to let someone NOT on the insurance policy drive her!!!!#god okay back to totk until my parents text me back#diary post
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guess who's getting deprESSED AGAIN ✌👌👍🙌👏
#🧍♀️#i feel the urge to go to london which is always a sign. or maybe brighton#the longing for something more type of feeling#the wanting to go lie in a massive field at night kind of vibe#the need to get on a random train to somewhere I went a lot when I was younger#or even somewhere I've never been#like idk anything east of london. never been anywhere there#and i wanna go somewhere and buy a load of stuff and then sit and watch the sea for like 5 hours#and i don't have a stable hyperfixation so both these things mean i'm probably depressed#and summer is approaching..........oh dear god#ramble
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The life of Stanford Pines must be so bizarre from the perspective of a random townsperson who doesn’t know him. Imagine you live in a sleepy lumber town, where the most interesting thing you’ve heard this week is that a plot of land on the outskirts of the woods was sold and someone has started constructing a cabin on there.
You later learn by word of mouth that he’s a phd student doing some kind of long-term research project. You don’t see his face until one night he comes blasting down the street on a trail of destruction, eyes yellow and glazed over, trashing public property, inflicting gruesome injuries on himself, and laughing like he’s on an erratic, drug-fuelled bender. He then goes home and locks himself in his cabin again. This becomes a cycle; he stays isolated for weeks, then comes out once in a blue moon to wreak havoc and be a nuisance to the authorities.
Then one day it stops. He doesn’t come back out. The next time you see him he’s at a grocery store looking completely different to how you remember; his hair is grown out, he’s put on weight, his clothes are completely different and he’s stopped wearing glasses. Some townsfolk finally work up the nerve to talk to him and you learn that he invited them to his cabin on a tour. His home is apparently FULL of dangerous research equipment and the scientist, who had allegedly been very quiet and level-headed on the days he wasn’t having his “episodes,” has had a complete personality change, he’s loud and confident and less than honest and a little sleazy but a damn good salesman and entertainer.
He hosts tours out of his home for the next 30 years. Over time he’d changed it into a museum of sorts that sells overpriced knickknacks to unsuspecting tourists, but aside from his shady business practices he’s a well known member of his community. He changes up the exhibits every few months, brings his niece and nephew to stay one summer and they become town darlings, and even exposes a beloved public figure for running a spyware scheme.
One day you hear he got visited by the FBI. They start going round town asking about him. A week or so later he gets arrested. The town goes CRAZY theorising why but then there’s a massive earthquake and in the chaos of that you forget what happened to him. One minute you hear that the feds were surrounding his house and the next they’re all leaving like they forgot what they came for. Another week later he resurfaces and announces he’s going to run for Mayor, dominated the polls, wins the popular vote, but loses his position immediately due to an extensive criminal record.
Then there’s gossip that he completely changed his appearance again. He’s lost his fez and is walking around in a coat and cable knit turtleneck in the middle of the July heat. Then you hear from someone else that he looks the exact same and didn’t change anything. Then you see two identical men walking down the street, one matching the description you saw. People are BUZZING to know what happened and you eventually learn that the “new guy” was actually the same Scientist and the guy that had been running the museum was his twin brother who stole his identity after he went missing. Then the apocalypse happens
#his life would be like a soap opera#stanford pines#stanley pines#ford pines#stan pines#grunkle stan#grunkle ford#gravity falls#mystery shack
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give summer a character arc challenge
#random thoughts#guess what motherfuckers it's blue man time#that fucking open your mind episode doesn't count#hate how all summer-centric episodes are based around bizarre premises which have little to do with her as a person#basically every summer-centric episode is claw and hoarder: summer edition#they resolved her 'i need to be popular' subplot without really going into why she wanted to be popular in the first place#like yeah they acknowledge it's due to a lack of self confidence but that lack OBVIOUSLY stems from her feeling unwanted by her parents#and being popular is a way for her to feel desired by other people#it's why she's so jealous of morty's relationship with rick: he obviously prefers morty and treats her as secondary#she wants to feel liked in a different way from how jerry wants to feel liked#jerry wants to feel needed without having to put in the effort to have something about him which other people need#he wants to be the archetypal 50s father who gives good advice and is respected by his family but doesn't want to or care to put in the work#he wants to be seen as a good person while making the choices he always has: the ones which benefit him specifically#he feels like the world owes him something for existing and he's being deprived of that something#summer meanwhile was neglected as a child due to growing up with parents who were in a dysfunctional if not straight-up unhappy marriage#she was an unplanned teenage pregnancy and was only born because her parents had a flat tire on the way to the abortion clinic#and her father took advantage of this setback and talked her mother out of getting an abortion#while she was unaware of the fact she was nearly aborted she has clearly long been aware of the fact she was an accidenf#in the comics beth lectures her about using protection on prom night and god.#imagine your mother telling you not to make the same mistake which saddled her with you#beth is a distant parent which led to summer lacking confidence in herself#her need to be liked stems from a lack of emotional support growing up#but like. they never do anything with this.#yeah she bullies her friend to fit in and changes her body to make boys like her more#but those are both like. the subplot of the subplot of their respective episodes#like i love the body changing subplot especially how it establishes beth's involvement in summer's mental state#like beth look at your daughter and see how insecure she is and recognize this is literally your doing#but the episode definitely makes it mostly about beth's inability to let others help her because of her daddy issues#i'd love it if they did summer subplots where she joins clubs and groups for an episode#like have her join a parody of the scooby gang and have her discover they're all faking it and the talking goose is a soviet spy or smth
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#vent post#day job has cut my hours to 4h or less per week#I haven't had an audition since summer or been on set since july#and the stuff i try to self submit too either change the role completely (like change gender or age range)-#or just never respond to my messages#even on messenger they didn't even bother to look!#so frustrating#there is next to no better job opportunities here#and i can't really afford to either buy a car or move closer to a city- cause you know- I'm not making any money!#like i feel stuck no matter what i do#quit current job and maybe end up doing the same damn thing dealing with the same problems + new ones#move out and struggle to live on my own or move in with a random ass roommate just to get by#stay with the current job and settle for less then bare minimum#i'm sick of fast food but it's the only thing i know and they only thing available here#i already tried to quit to focus on just acting but it's not possible with no income#i don't know what to do#i'm miserable- i'm exhausted#i stay up all night and sleep all day now and spend my waking hours stressed about this shit or just sitting here too tired to do anything#and the kicker is I'm kind dreading Halloween and my bday this cause i have no one to spend it with#i get it people are busy that's how it goes- but i just know my birthday will get ignored or go unnoticed#it happened last year- someone else had the same birthday and they were getting lots of love#yet i got nothing- the same people who are also my 'friends' they gave them love but said nothing to me -not a fb post or a message- nothin#made me feel so worthless#so lonely you know#i try to go online to make myself feel better or distract for a bit#and i keep seeing people suffer from stuff i can never comprehend asking for help and I can't help them#and i fell guilt for even being miserable while i have a roof over my head and food to eat and they lost everything#guilt shame anger you name it#it's just horrible#my post.
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i should get back into cross stitch
#mine#i had a little phase with it like 4 years ago during pandemmy but i couldnt commit#but last night i started working on this mini kit of a deer that i found when i wsa cleaning my room#it was the most relaxing thing ive done like...probably all summer#i listened to random stuff in my library at first but later i put on my favorite band#and i chilled out so hard it was incredible. i'm going to finish the thing today#and when i have more $ i'm buying more
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:3
#ITS HOMOPHOBIC THAT I CANT CALL HER MY GIRLFRIEND IN MY PERSONAL OPINION#and by that i mean in my mind i called her my girlfriend#i dont even know if i like her romantically or platonically. i think its a mix of both and i just love her a lot#i think i love her more than the stars and i think im also touch starved and id love to kiss her but more than that id love to hug her agai#i miss her so much im going to visit her this summer!! everyday i miss her more and more#my platonic wife my platonic soulmate shes my everything my love my darling sweetheart#she doesnt know any of this btw#she doesnt know the way i talk about her on tumblr dot com like shes my entire world#sometimes i doubt how important i am in her life as well but i know im her best friend. i know i mean the world to her. i know it#shes bad at conveying her emotions but i can tell in the way she says goodnight every night even if we werent talking#i can tell when she sends me random pictures of her cat#i can tell because im the only one whos read her pride and joy of a fanfic. i have very special privileges and i am honored#i know that she loves me so much and she just doesnt say it much#and thats okay. i hope she knows how much i love her too#it would be nice to kiss her too tho shes so fucking beautiful and amazing and literally the perfect fucking girl out there i swear#i will shout from the rooftops ill climb a mountain shout from the high heavens about how incredible she is#i love her to the stars and back#anyway slkdjfkjs
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